Horsey Humor 7



Ever wonder how to remember those dresssage letters?? Well, here are many ways that others have learned them:


-A Fat Bay Mare Can Hardly Ever Kick (read counter clockwise!!!)
 

-Around the ring, starting at A, going clockwise:

-All King Edward's Horses Can Manuver Big Fences
-All King Victor Edward's Special Horses Can Mash Really Big Pretty Fences
-All King Edward's Horses Can Move Better Forward
-All King Edward's Horses Carry Many Bloody Fools
-All Kicking Equines Have Caused Many Bruised Fannies



-Center line: Don't Like X-raying Indignant Goats


Top Reasons Why Dressage Arenas Are Lettered the Way They Are:
8. Hey, after riding 500 20m circles in rapid succession, who can remember the alphabet?
7. The letters are consecutive and in alphabetical order, in a now extinct language spoken only by early 18th century Hanoverian carriage horses.
6. The very first dressage arena was designed by the lowest-bid contractor.
5. The letters were originally laid out by beleaguered riding pupils to facilitate pranks on their instructors, in which the pupils would pretend to be schooling various movements and figures while actually spelling out slanderous curses, in German, against their cruel and heartless instructors, their diabolical horses, and whatever silly person invented this dressage thing in the first place.
4. The letters are actually advertising billboards paid for by Sesame Street (This piaffe-passage transition was brought to you by the letter G!).
3. Well, the letters are supposed to be in alphabetical order, but somebody's Trakehner keeps getting out at night and rearranging them.
2. The other letters in the alphabet are there all right, they're just invisible--what do you think your horse has been spooking at all these years?
1. What, you mean they're NOT in alphabetical order? Hey, that would explain why nobody else seems to understand how I've organized the office files...

Horses at School
*Quarter Horses: Definitally jocks. Strutting around flexing those muscles, showing off their butts... Not real bright, but get passed on since they are responsible for all the trophies in the glass case
*Thoroughbreds: Preppies. They are atheletes, not jocks. Monogrammed blankets, leather halters, Nike eventer shoes, the latest custom trailer and tack.
*Connemaras: Gorgeous chicks with sultry eyelashes, sexy curves, devil-may-care attitudes. NOT into studying or anything to do with geometry. Great fun to be around, delightful senses of humor, and the world's best pranksters. Can usually be found in the nearest pub, entertaining the masses. Fast and easy.
*Appaloosas: Could only be the stoners. They like to drop acid so they can watch their spots move.
*Arabians: Let's get this party going!! Enough of sitting around waiting for someone else to make it happen!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TEAM!!! (need I say more???
*Shetlands: Frightening, any color of the rainbow, spiky hardos, snotty attitudes..... gotta be the PUNKS. Some even sport tattoos.
*Fresians: Big, buff, and always in black, they are the biker clique. Cigs hanging out of the corner, dangerous glint in the eyes, daring anyone to cross their path.
*Morgans: They're the nerdy teacher's pets, running around doing everything from yearbook to decorating the gym and ratting out the bikers, stoners, and jocks. They have perpetual wedgies.
*Drafts: No real clique, they're just the big guys who sit in the back of the room and fart a lot (and then laugh). Who's going to stop them anyway??
*Icelandics and Paso Finos: They're the little squirrelly geeks who flit around a dance trying to fit in and fail miserably. The kind who wear Toughskins jeans from Sears (or would that be the rip-off WeathaBeetas??)
*Akhal Teke: Foreign exchange students. And no one can spell their names either.
*Hackney Ponies: A breed this manic would have to be a band geek. Marching along with their knees and heads held high.
*Warmbloods: The school staff and faculty. Looking down their noses with righteous indignation and disgust. Secretly wishing they were having half as much fun.