Horsey Humor 5



You know you're a horse person when...
*You get your income tax refund and the first thing you do is head for the tack shop.
*Co-workers start pointing out green slobber or straw on your clothes. Your solution is to start wearing exclusively hunter green.
*Every time you go to the stable, it takes 3 hours and you can't imagine where the time went.
*Your first sign of spring isn't see a robin, but seeing a fly.
*You get to the checkouts at the grocery and the only things you're buying are 5 gallons of corn oil and 10 pounds of carrots. Oh and maybe a frozen burrito if you have enough money left
*All of your clothes have horsehair on them, even if they've never been worn to the barn.
*You keep a horse Grooma by the front door, to get the horsehair off of your Levis after riding bareback.
*You grump at your husband for eating so much of the apple crop, for fear there won't be enough left to last the horses until next year.
*You live with electric fencing tape around the lawn, so the horses can mow it for you.
*You're about to petition the Town Board and the County Commissioners to grant you a variance to build a larger building than the zoning laws allow. Where else is one s'posed to ride in bad weather?
*You don't try to figure out your to-date-expenses for the critters, because you don't want to know, and it doesn't matter.
*Your breezeway/mud room has hay & crud all over the floor, a saddle on a rack along the wall, misc. tack hanging from the chairs, muddy boots & gloves, etc. lying about. Someone's coming to visit. You don't care.
*Supper time is generally at 8PM, and everyone has been home since before 5.
*You rush to the front window to watch the horses run & buck in the pasture, even if you're in the middle of a meal. *You trade your nice, nearly-new Suburban for a 1-ton 4x4 pickup, so you can haul hay & straw for the critters. (And have that 454 engine for pulling the trailer up those looooong hills.)
*A new friend walks in your door for the first time. Takes a smell and says with a smile, "I didn't know you had horses." *When your bicycle is mostly used as a bridle and saddle rack.
*You take your notes to the barn and study for midterms while brushing your horse
*You spend more on that 6 year old jumper than you've EVER spent on a car!
*You are one of the few people around that can fix "things" since you are used to fixing the fences that you horses have taken down.
*You are down and depressed and you go and talk to your best friend YOUR HORSE .
*You go to the gas station and ask the attendant to check the air in the "off hind"
*You live hand to mouth and somehow come up with the $800 for emergency vet bills.
*You don't think that weather is just casual conversation. It is very important so that you can figure out your horse's wardrobe for the day/night.
*Your house is "decorated" with bits, saddles, bridles, halters, blanket racks, trunks, trophies and ribbons.
*There are bits/stirrups soaking in your bathroom sink.
*You save every horse magazine you have ever bought/recieved.
*You drive by a field and look for horses. This includes trips to foreign countries.
*Your horse gets vitamins and supplements everyday and you can't remember to take vitamins yourself.
*You feel tired all day at work and then go to the barn and ride 3 horses.
*You can pinpoint anything you might need in 2 seconds in your tack trunk but seem to have misplaced this month's electric bill.
*The first bills you pay each month are all horse related. You don't really *need* a phone anyway
*You teach your little brother to skip by getting him to "canter", then "switch leads" until he's doing one-tempi flying changes (skipping!).
*You take a close look at your Visa card bill and 90% of the charges are to equestrian suppliers/mail order catalogues *You teach your sisters how to post on the arm of the couch before their first riding lesson.
*You lunge your dog and she listens to you.
*You get up at 5am every morning while your in college, drive 10 miles to the barn, feed, muck stalls, ride, and rush back to your 10am class smelling like a barn without complaining.
*Your non-horsy boyfriend/girlfriend gives you a funny look after glancing into the back seat of your car, and you realize he's noticed your whips and spurs.
*You pass up attractive social invitations because they'd conflict with your show schedule.
*You buy land and decide to build the barn before the house so your horses have a place to stay.
*You pull change from your pocket at work, and hay falls all over.
*The doctor says the bump on your finger is an inflamed tendon sheath, and you tell him, "Oh, you mean a windpuff." *You save the hoof shavings for the dog.
*You stop channel surfing at Budweiser Clydesdale commercials.
*Books and movies are ruined for you if horsemanship references are incorrect.
*You kiss your horse more often than your husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend.
*You find yourself analyzing leg and foot conformation on your friends, and thinking how corrective shoeing could improve their way of going.
*You run your tongue over your back molars and idly wonder if they need to be floated.
*You decided this year to resurrect the vegetable garden, again, this year-lots of carrot beds.
*You plan field trips to tack stores and horse dealers (just to see is there is a great deal)
*You leave work feeling stiff, tense, with a stomach- or headache, and all those feelings disappear the minute you turn into the barn driveway
*You hate posing for pictures unless you're on your horse.
*Most/All of your social life is with other horse folk.
*You get so mad that you can't get cable TV out at your farm that you put in a satellite dish just so you can get more horse sports coverage
*You spend more time riding in your truck going to horse events than you spend at home.
*The concept of sleeping in on the weekends has long since faded from your memory.
*You don't have to be asked by your non-horsey family what you want for Christmas anymore, because they now get their own Horse catalogs.
*You stay up until two in the morning walking a colicky horse whose name you don't know and whose owner you've never met.
*You get all starry eyed over the new Millers catalogue instead of Victoria's Secret.
*You call cramps a little colic.
*You snag and rip a fingernail, and although you've been working with horses all morning and Lord knows *what* is under your nail, you stick it in your mouth and chew on it anyway"
*You are eating lunch out and can continue to eat, not missing a mouthful, and discuss the surgery on a horse's leg and all the awful details.
*You wonder why people look at you funny when you tell them horse manure doesn't smell.
*Your employer understands and allows you to leave early because you have to meet the vet or the farrier.
*You ride in your car, you evaluate fences and other obstacles for their jumpability. How's the footing on the approach and landing? What line would I take? How difficult does it look? etc.
*At the sound of a hoof step or a whinny on the TV brings you dashing into the room.
*New horses appear in your pasture unannounced!
*You haven't washed your hands before eating and don't seem to notice.
*You're at the post office looking at the Santa and his Reindeer cutouts on the wall, and all you really think about is how all the reindeer are hanging their knees and they better get better form if they're going to continue this jumping thing!
*You find it much easier to buy presents for you horsy friends than your non-horsey ones.
*Every item on your own list to Santa can be picked up at the tack shop or the grain store!
*Your favorite game is to let your outside cat chase your lunge whip all over the lawn.
*You answer and don't think twice about it when someone calls you your horse's name.
*Your sole purpose in buying a five pound coffee can is to use as a grain can.