Horsey Humor 3



MEANING BEHIND THE ADS:
Event Prospect.............Big, Fast Horse
Dressage Prospect............Big, Slow Horse
Hack Prospect.............Pretty Color
Sporting Prospect............Short, Fast Horse
Rodeo Prospect..............Fast Horse which can turn
Endurance Prospect..........Fast Horse which will turn sometimes
Flashy.....................White Socks
Attractive................. Bay
15.2hh.................14.3hhh
16.2hh.................15.3hh
To Loving Home Only............Expensive
To Show Home Only.............Very Expensive
Needs Experienced Rider..............Potentially Lethal
Elegant.......................Thin
In Good Condition................Foundered
Free Moving.....................Bolts
Quiet......................Lame in Both Front Legs
Dead Quiet..............Lame in All Four Legs
Good in Traffic (Bombproof)...............Lame all Round, Deaf and Blind
Loves Children................Kicks and Bites
Pony Type.................Small and Hairy
Arab Type......................Looks startled
TB Type...................Looks Terrified
Quarter Horse Type.................Fat
Warmblood Type..................Big and Hairy
Draught Type........................Big and Exceedingly Hairy
Easy to Catch...................Very Old
Must Sell....................Wife has left home and taking kids
All Offers Considered...................I am in Traction for 6 months
Reluctant Sale...................Comes with Title Deeds to Sydney Harbor Bridge
Serious Enquires Only.............Out of your price range

Horse List of New Year's Resolutions
*I CAN walk and poop at the same time. I can, I can, I can.
*I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.
*I will NOT leap over large nonexistent obstacles when the whim strikes.
*I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.
*I will NOT bite my farrier's butt just because it is there.
*I will NOT confuse my human's blond hair for really soft hay.
*I will NOT wipe green slime down the back of my human's white shirt.
*I will NOT try to mooch goodies off every human within a 1 mile radius.
*I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it is on.
*I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead myself.
*I will NOT have an attitude problem. I won't, I won't, I won't!
*I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove that I can.
*I am neither a beaver nor a carpenter. I promise I won't eat or remodel the barn or the new fences.
*I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I look like a freak.
*I WILL accept that not every carrot is for me.
*I will NOT do the Arab Teleport Trick.
*I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.
*I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me during the trail ride just to say "Hi."
*I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to photos.
*I will NOT canter in place and hop up and down when other horses's go in front of me.
*I will NOT roll right after my bath, even though it feels so good.
*I WILL try not to run and buck while the next door neighbors are trying to catch their horses
*When performing a dressage test, I will NOT spook at the judge sitting at C
*I will NOT immediately crib on the anti-cribbing surface that Mom just spent 4 hours installing.
*When you give me feed in a tub on the ground I will NOT immediately stick my foot in it and tumble it over.
*I will NOT poop in my water tub.
*I will NOT run over my owner when that person tries to open my stall door and let me out.
*I will NOT attempt to let the geldings into my arena from their paddock.
*I will NOT take a drink out of the bin and try to nuzzle mom in her hair right after.
*I will NOT attempt to paw my way out of mom's new trailer the first time I ride in it.
*I will NOT "blow through" mom's electric tape cross-fence with all four hooves off the ground so I don't get shocked.
*When you put a water heater in my water tub, I will NOT pull it out and try to burn the barn down!
*I will NOT tease the horse in the next stall until he puts his face through the bars at me, then steal the hay right out of his mouth.
*When having my back feet picked out, I will NOT rest the weight of my leg on my humans back.