Horsey Humor 2

This Page:
Top 10 Reasons Why You Know You are Hooked on Eventing:
Murphy's Horse Laws
How Many Horses's Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?
&
Top 10 Excercises to Becoming a Better Horseman
Other Horsey Humor:
Types of Horses & Riders
Meaning Behind the Ads
Horse List of New Years Resolutions
Glossary of Horse Terms
You Know You're a Horse Person When:
Instructor Stall Cards (made by PC'ers at PC Camp)
You Know You're From Montana if:
Dressage Letter Mnemonics
Top Reasons the Dressage Letters are Numbered the Way They Are
Horses at School

The Top Ten Reasons Why You Know You are Hooked on Eventing:
10) You read the USEA Omnibus more often than the local newspaper.
9) You're getting used to seeing yourself in a regulation crash helmet and even think you look good.
8) You use your event watch instead of a timer while cooking.
7) You have a recurring nightmare about arriving in a busy cross-country warmup area without your medical armband and pinny.
6) Your idea of a dream vacation is a long weekend at Badminton/Rolex/Burghley with your eventing pals.
5) You think your neighbor's Koi pool would make a cool water jump.
4) You buy anything and everything that has your eventing colors.
3) You fantasize about galloping on the local golf course.
2) You "count strides" between cracks in the sidewalk while going for a walk.
1) You pass stone walls, garden fences, highway dividers, and uprooted trees while driving down the road and think, "Wow! That would make a cool jump."

Murphy's Horse Laws
1. If you do a thorough check of your trailer before hauling, your truck will break down.
2. No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.
3. The least useful horse in your barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month.
4. A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.
5. If you're wondering if you left the water on in the barn, you did.
6. If you're wondering if you latched the pasture gate, you didn't.
7. Hoof picks migrate.

How Many Horses Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
*Warmblood: Light bulb? What light bulb?
*Any foal: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
*Thoroughbred: Easy, and I'll rewire the barn while I'm at it.
*Shetland pony: I can't reach the stupid light bulb!
*Saddlebred: Sorry, just had my hooves and mane done.
*Morgan: Oh, oh, me, me! Pleeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I?
*Quarter Horse: Let him do it, you can pet me while he's busy.
*Connemara: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
*Akhal-Teke: We don't need to change the lightbulb, ATs aren't afraid of the dark!
*Holsteiner: How DARE that light bulb burn out!! How DARE you ask me to change it!! OH the very nerve!!
*Appaloosa: No, don't change it. If it's dark, maybe no one will see me raiding the feed room.
*Arabian: That's what we pay the help for. I'll just chew on his shirttail while he's at it.
*Andalusian: Let the maid do it, I need to go roll in the mud.
*Nation Show Horse: [fidgeting all the while] Lights? Lights? Where? Do you want me to pose? This is my good side ... no wait, let me get my mane straight... no wait, this angle is all wrong. No, wait, maybe this is my good side. Do you want dramatic ... or bold ...or maybe sensitive ...
*Shire: (Yawn) Who cares?

Top Ten Exercises to Become a Better Horseman:
10. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout, "Get off, stupid, GET OFF!!!"
9. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall." Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.
8. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write out a $200 check without even blinking an eye.
7. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing; they might as well know now.
6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you are having fun.
5. Hone your fibbing skills: "See, Hon? Moving hay bales is FUN!" and, "No, really, I'm glad your lucky performance and multi-million dollar horse won the blue ribbon. I am just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second place."
4. Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.
3. Borrow the U.S. Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be: bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen...
2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is..."
1. THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN: Marry money.